How to help your child deal with feelings of unfairness

In general, children are often attuned to certain forms of injustice at school. Many detect an element of unfairness when it comes to the following:

• Discipline (e.g., “Only Simon got in trouble, but he and Mehdi were both talking.”)
• Time management (e.g., “Yasmine had less time than Anne to complete her work.”)
• Other children’s behaviour (e.g., “Rayan can’t concentrate because Karim keeps talking.”)
• Learning activities (e.g., “I wanted to start the next math problem in class, but the teacher said no. Now I have to do it for homework.”)
• Etc.

If your child comes home feeling like everything about their day was unfair, it’s best to start by encouraging them to talk about it. Without casting judgment, you can steer the conversation by asking a few questions:

• “Has this ever happened before?”
• “How do you feel?”
• “How do you think your friends feel?” (angry, upset, helpless, sad, etc.)
• “Why does this situation bother you so much?”
• Etc.

Injustice is often in the eye of the beholder! A friend your child believes has been wronged may not feel that way at all. In other words, your child may be the only one who feels that something unfair has taken place. Keep them from worrying unnecessarily by helping put things in perspective. You can do this by asking questions to get your child thinking:

• “Did your friend tell you that they thought the situation was unfair?”
• "Why do you think that what happened wasn’t fair?”
• “Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person you think was being unfair. How would you have reacted?”
• Etc.

Injustice is powerful feeling that can lead to immense frustration and angry outbursts. Help your child avoid these big emotions by guiding them through ways to resolve their anger. For instance, you can suggest that they do the following:

• Talk about the situation they felt was unfair with the people who were involved (e.g., their teacher, the lunch monitor, friends); most importantly, they should wait for the right time to do so
• Learn to distinguish between what they can and cannot control (e.g., they can step in if a friend is being left out on the playground, but there’s nothing they can do if the teacher gives extra homework to another student)
• Write in a journal to get their feelings out
• Etc.

A great way to turn negative emotions into a positive force is to get involved and try to make a difference. Your child can’t solve all the injustices in this world, but they can still find ways to fix some injustices and feel like they’re making a difference. For example, they can do the following:

• Set up a second-hand textbook drive for children from poorer families
• Offer to help explain certain concepts to students with learning difficulties
• Lend their class notes to a student who arrives late
• Etc.

Injustice occurs all around us. At school, in sports—in short, in everyday life. That's why it's important to help your child learn to face it. One of the best ways to help them learn is to suggest books on the topic. As you read them together, your child will start to become aware of different forms of injustice and the various ways that people manage to overcome it.