How to communicate effectively with your child

Knowing how to listen is all about attitude. To function well in the classroom and in society, children need to learn how to be good listeners. Fortunately, since they learn by watching their parents’ behaviour, you can set an example. How? By doing the following:

• Show interest in what your child is saying
• Be attentive (e.g., listen with your eyes and ears)
• Respond without judgment
• Use positive body language (e.g., smile, avoid crossing your arms)
• Etc.

You can’t listen if you’re surrounded by noise! Plus, it’s important to have a calm, attentive disposition to really hear what your child is saying. To have a meaningful conversation, choose a location that’s free from distractions and technology: no TV, phone, or video games nearby. Here are some good examples:

• On a park bench
• In your parked car
• In your child’s bedroom
• During bath time
• Etc.

During a heated conversation, it can be hard to stay on message. You may have the urge to make accusations, judgments, or criticisms. To have a productive talk with your child, try to speak in the first person (“I”) instead of the second person (“you”). For example, you could say the following:

• “I felt sad when you spoke to me that way.”
• “I’d like you to put your shoes away when you get home from school.”
• “I noticed you were late to class three times last week.”
• Etc.

Respecting others also means respecting their feelings and ideas. If you’re having a debate, for example, you should never dismiss what the other person is saying or adopt an attitude that promotes inequality. In short, you should do the following:

• Remain calm if you disagree
• Let the other person speak freely
• Encourage them to express themselves (see the tool Helping my Child Talk About Their Day at School)
• Avoid using the words “always” and “never”
• Think before you speak
• Etc.

Sensitivity can mean different things. In this case, we’re talking about being sensitive to another person’s feelings and being able to respond appropriately. To help your child be more sensitive to others and encourage communication, you can do the following:

• Avoid making light of their emotions
• Identify subjects that make them uncomfortable
• Put the conversation on hold if they’re in a bad mood
• Answer their questions honestly
• Congratulate them and acknowledge their achievements (see the tool The Achievement Jar)
• Etc.