How can I help my child use constructive criticism to improve their schoolwork?

It’s not always easy for kids to accept criticism from the adults in their lives. Your child may react badly and even refuse to listen to what people are trying to say. How do we teach them to view these comments in a positive light and channel the feedback into opportunities to learn and do better in school?

Here’s an example of a real-life situation to help you understand why some children may react negatively to feedback on their schoolwork or other school-related tasks:

You’ve just told your child that they should focus more on the homework exercise they’re working on. They react by saying that they can never do anything right, then cross their arms and refuse to keep working.

First, it’s important to understand why your child is reacting negatively in this situation. Even if your comment was expressed in a constructive way, they may perceive it differently. Here are some common reasons why:

• They feel like they’ve disappointed you
• They feel stressed because they’re anxious about trying to meet your expectations or their teacher’s 
• They feel like they’re “not as good” as the other kids in their class or their siblings 
• They don’t know what they can do to improve

The following tips will help your child accept criticism and constructive feedback more easily.

Remind them about a positive learning experience. For instance, you can remind them about how they learned to ride a bike (with or without training wheels). They learned gradually, step by step. Without their parents’ feedback to help them improve, they wouldn’t have succeeded. 

Point out their strengths and abilities. Children are sensitive to criticism because they like to feel competent and capable. Much of their self-worth comes from their successes. When you criticize your child, it can be a good idea to mention something they’ve done well at the same time. For example, you might start by saying how proud you are that they’ve gotten better at remembering vocabulary words, but that they should also apply themself and take the time to do their exercises properly so that they can improve even more. 

Focus your criticism on what your child can learn and how it can help them better succeed. Explain that if they take the time to do their homework and make sure they understand all their exercises, it’ll be easier for them to keep up in class the next day. You can also tell them that their teacher will notice what they understand, and what they may need more help with. Finally, you can ask them their opinion: “Do you think that focusing on this exercise might help you?”

Work with your child to find concrete ways to help them. Asking your child for their input on how to tackle a challenge is a great way to motivate them to make a change. If they don’t have any ideas, try asking them to choose between two options: “Would you like to start your homework with your exercises so that it’s easier for you to concentrate? Or would you rather take a short break before starting your written exercises?”

By highlighting positive learning experiences from the past, pointing out your child’s strengths, and helping them find concrete ways to improve, slowly but surely, your child will learn to accept criticism and view it as a way to become even better!