“It’s not fair!”: Explaining rules to children
What parent hasn’t heard their child repeatedly ask the age-old question why? Children are deeply curious about the world around them. They want to understand why things work the way they do, and they hate being told, “Just because.” As kids get older, parents and teachers tend to hear an earnest “It’s not fair!” in reply. Kids, like adults, get upset when a particular rule appears unjust or discriminatory. Many question not only the validity of such rules, but also the reasoning behind them.
Why do we have rules? What are they for?
Research1 on how people develop their views on the law and the legal system reveals that these opinions start to take shape during childhood. Unfortunately, most children only hear about rules when they’re being told not to do something or receiving a punishment. As a result, they come to view rules in a negative light, as the mere whims of adults who won’t let kids do what they want.
How do we change this perspective? By explaining that rules are necessary for the common good, as they’re designed to protect our rights, keep us safe, and help people live together in harmony. Restrictions and responsibilities go hand in hand with rights and freedoms, which cannot exist without rules. Explaining these nuances is quite challenging, but well worth the effort.
How to explain rules to children
A great way to explain rules, and by extension, laws, is to follow the principles of philosophy for children. Here’s what to do and how to respond when your child complains that something isn’t fair.
5 principles of philosophy for children
- Ask questions about the world around you.
- All ideas are valid because they allow us to consider different points of view.
- Don’t focus on being “right” or finding THE correct answer.
- Whenever possible, explain the reasons behind your opinions.
- Re-centre the discussion on the original question (i.e., why do we have rules?) if it starts to focus too much on minor details.
It’s easier to talk to kids about seemingly complex ideas when you use the principles of philosophy for children, and the benefits are considerable! With this approach, kids learn that their opinions hold weight and value for adults. It helps them make sense of the world around them and develop their critical thinking and reasoning skills. You’ll find countless resources on this topic online, including the French-language YouTube channel Philosophie pour enfants and the French-language website philoenfant.org.
Here are some practical tips for talking to your child about rules and laws:
- Discuss the rules that apply in common areas for children
- Explain that rules help ensure your child’s well-being
- Ask your child to picture a classroom without rules
- Incorporate games and drawings into the discussion
- Practise philosophy for children
Give these tips a try 😊. You’ll be surprised at the depth of your child’s ideas!
To make it easier to talk to kids about rules, Éducaloi offers a teaching guide called All about Rules! Though originally intended for teachers, it’s also a great resource for parents. The guide includes an introduction to philosophy for children, a discussion outline, questions for further reflection, and fun drawing activities.