Lowering parental expectations to focus on what matters

I don’t have any expectations for you, kids. When you were born, and even when I was still pregnant, I didn’t really think about what the rest of your lives would be like. From the very beginning, I had only one hope. Unfortunately, it’s one that neither you, nor I, nor anyone else has control over. To this day, all I want is for you to live a long life and to stay physically and mentally healthy. I want you to be happy.

I don’t have expectations about your future studies.
Of course, I want you to finish high school because it will open up so many doors for you. But I won’t insist that you pursue your education in university, or even CEGEP. I want you to forge your own path, explore your skills and interests, and find a job that makes you happy. If your ideal career requires an undergraduate or graduate degree, I’ll be there to help and encourage you. If you need a diploma of vocational studies, I’ll happily give you all my support.

I don’t have expectations about your love life.
I’ve never assumed you’d end up with a partner of the opposite sex. I’d rather keep my mind open to all possibilities. You may even prefer to live a single life. If you do decide to have a partner, my only expectation, regardless of your sexual preference, is that they respect you and make you happy.

I don’t expect grandchildren.
I don’t want you to have kids just because everyone else is having them, or because society dictates that children are essential for a fulfilling life. I also don’t want to use grandchildren as a way to make up for lost time with you. I’d rather be as invested and present with you as possible, now. You should only have children if you want them and feel ready to give them the love and care they deserve. If you choose that path, I have no doubt that you will be excellent parents. If you’d rather not have children, know that I will never pressure you, and that you will never have to justify your choice.

I don’t expect you to visit me every Sunday when you’re grown up.
Of course, I’d love to see you as often as possible, but I want you to feel free to manage your valuable time as you see fit. I understand that life sometimes speeds by, and that we’re often torn between our responsibilities, family, and friends. Please don’t ever feel duty-bound to visit. I want you to always be happy to see me, and to visit because you truly want to, not because of family obligation.

Kids, I don’t have any expectations for your futures. My only hope is to see you happy.
But I know that things change. I know that I may start to feel societal pressures or be influenced by the expectations of others. That’s why I took the time to write this letter. It’s to remind me—in case I forget—that you’re free to be yourselves and choose your own destinies.