Can parents phase out homework supervision?

My husband and I have always agreed that our role as parents is to help our kids achieve academic, emotional, social, and financial independence.

As they’ve grown more independent, our daughters have become resourceful, self-reliant, and capable of making their own decisions. In my opinion, the ability to get by on your own is the key to strong self-esteem, self-motivation, and resilience, both in school and in life.

My 15-year-old was extremely proud the first time she made her own optometrist appointment and rode the bus there by herself. She was even more pleased with herself when she successfully took public transit to an orthodontist appointment in Montreal (we live in the suburbs). A short time later, that budding self-reliance proved to be a huge asset in landing her first summer job.

My daughters learned to be independent at a relatively young age because we encouraged self-reliance early on, from teaching them to pour their own glasses of milk, to gradually putting them in charge of their homework, to explaining how to use an ATM card.

We proceeded by trial and error and adapted our approach to each child.
When it came time to teach our daughters how to be responsible for their homework, we used the same method for each of them, but let them progress at their own pace. Here’s how you can do the same!

Sit down with your child at the kitchen table or in the living room. Start by opening their agenda and slowly reading out the work they’ve been assigned. Stay by their side the entire time as they do their homework.

At this early stage, homework often takes the form of games: spelling out words while playing jump rope, writing out equations on a whiteboard, learning how to count money by playing store, etc.

Your child does their work at a desk in their bedroom.
Continue checking their agenda a few times a week to make sure they’re doing their homework and help them review lesson material.

In my experience, kids may reach this step anywhere between Grade 3 and Sec. V.

Just because your child has gotten into the habit of doing their homework on their own or studying at the local library doesn’t necessarily mean they know how to organize their workload. That phase usually occurs at the start of high school (or CEGEP, for some), when teachers don’t always consult one another before assigning work or scheduling tests.

One of my daughters became academically independent in Grade 3, only to feel completely lost again when she started high school. For instance, she would prioritize studying for an English test that was three weeks away even though she had a math quiz the very next morning.

At this stage, your child knows how to manage their homework, hobbies, relationships, weekend job (if applicable), and household chores. You should keep a close eye on their report cards, meet with their teachers, and adjust your goals as needed.

Check in with your child now and then to see how things are going at school, in their relationships, and with their other activities. The car is the perfect place for these chats, since your child will often need you to drive them to their destination!

Your role is no longer to help your child stay organized.
It’s to let them know they can always count on you and to set occasional boundaries to help them maintain a balanced life. For example, you can prepare healthy meals, insist they get at least X hours of sleep every night, and establish a curfew.

When my daughter said she wanted to work part-time during high school, her father and I reminded her that she had her driving lessons, extracurricular activities, and many volunteering commitments to think about. She had some decisions to make, and we helped her figure out what was best for her.