How to manage back-to-school stress
Along with cooler weather, colourful leaves, and delicious harvest vegetables, September is all about change—and of course, going back to school!
Excitement and anxiety
Many children love starting a new school year. They get to see their friends, meet their new teachers, take on new challenges, and more. For them, change is exciting. They look forward to all the new things they’re going to experience.
But for some children, going back to school is deeply stressful.
Faced with this overwhelming change, they may feel frightened, anxious, or insecure. Stress caused by a new routine can affect children in different ways.
My sons react very differently to life changes, and God knows they happen quite frequently in our household since their dad works for the military.
For example, the first will cry more often than usual, the second will blow up at the smallest provocation, and the third will bully his two brothers for no apparent reason and refuse to eat certain foods.
Every child is unique and deals with stress in their own way.
How can you help your child cope during a difficult period?
There’s no miracle solution.
If there were, anxiety wouldn’t be so prevalent among adults! Having gone through several (too many!) adjustment periods caused by changes related to our military lifestyle, I’ve noticed certain things and tested out different solutions.
I’ve met some amazing people along the way who have helped me take a step back and see things more clearly. I’d like to humbly share what I’ve learned as a mother with a very hectic home life.
The adjustment period following a life change lasts about six weeks
It’s important to give ourselves time to adapt to change.
The rhythm of our lives too often reaches a frantic pace, and we forget to take a moment to breathe and readjust. Six weeks is the average amount of time it takes to adapt to a change. After experiencing it time and again, I can confirm it!
Kids are affected by other people’s emotions
After our second move, I noticed that, over time, my children’s negative reactions and outbursts weren’t due to the newness of our situation, but to their mother’s own stress and anxiety.
If Mom or Dad is going through a hard time, their kids will sense it and react. Each child has their own way of saying “I know something’s wrong and I’m upset,” which makes it difficult for us to take action. It sometimes feels like there’s nothing we can do—but in truth, it’s quite the opposite. If you’re feeling worried, overwhelmed, or at the end of your rope, it’s essential that you take a step back and dedicate time to yourself.
The biggest challenge of being a parent is having to constantly work on yourself to be a shining example for your child.
With the start of a new school year, you might feel anxious for various reasons. The most important thing is to believe in your child. Take the time to talk about their feelings, ask questions about their expectations, show your support, and stay positive (despite your own fears!) to boost their confidence during this new life step.
There’s truth to that old cliché: we are our children’s role models
As adults with years of experience, how we deal with worry sets an example for our children. If you yell, lose your temper, or burst into tears every time you’re under strain, these will probably be your child’s first reactions when they’re feeling upset, tired, stressed, or angry.
Thankfully, there are many ways to help make your day-to-day life easier during periods of high stress or anxiety. Above all, it’s important to try out different tactics to see which one works best for you.
Here are a few that we’ve tried:
- Talk: Put your feelings into words (this can be challenging).
- Press pause: Read a book (look for books that mirror your own family situation), draw, do a puzzle, play with LEGO bricks, etc.
- Use your hands: Sculpt with putty or wax, build something out of wood (supervised, of course!).
- Breathe: The heart coherence technique was a great starting point to work on our breathing, even for Mom!
- Meditate: Close your eyes and try to empty your mind. Acknowledge the thoughts that slip in, accept them, and let them go. You can find many mediation tools online.
Through trial and error, you’re sure to find an approach that works for you and your child. Good luck!