Zone d’entraide

PicFantastique8058

Bonsoir,

je viens d’écrire un text anglais. Est-ce que vous pouvez m’aidez à le corriger et l’améliorer SVP? Merci.

Assignment

Part 1 - Title Competition

- You need to come up with an original title for the magazine/newspaper.  

- You need to write a 100 - 250 word marketing pitch to sell your title to your classmates.

- You must submit a written copy to Mr. Migliara by Friday, December 10th.  

- The audience for the Magazine/Newspaper is your school (ESMR).

- The Magazine will offer commentary on a broad range of topics:

(i) Arts & Culture

(ii) Politics

(iii) Current Events

(iv) Sports

my text

Title: One For All

 The title that I gave my school magazine is One For All. In order for you all to better understand why I use this topic, I will explain it in detail in the following part of text. 

Our school is a French-speaking school, so the English proficiency of students varies. Some of them´s mother tongue is English, while the others can only use English for basic communication. Their contrasting levels makes them interpret this title quite distinctly. For English beginners, they may think this is a collection of all the school topics (sports, art, politics, etc.)since this is a school magazine. But, for English masters, they will figure out this is an expression(even though juste the first part) and the meaning “Each individual should act for the benefit of the group” of it. 

The second interpretation reflects the value of altruism that is central to the IB program of our school and also of my school magazine. Because this magazine will help customers to gain the connaissance of different topics even though you buy it just for one specific subject. For example, somebody who buys this magazine for gossip may find out that the politic section is quite attractive and improve his connaissance on it. Beside, all the money earned by the magazine will be donated to school. This will provide free lunches for needy students.

If you are interested in your school´s news(of course you are) and want to give a hand to the others who need, choose this title and buy my magazine please!

Sarah G

Hello you!

I decided to write my recommandations and corrections directly on your text as I thought it would be easier for you to navigate them that way.

Ce contenu est protégé par le droit d'auteur. Toute reproduction à l'extérieur des forums Alloprof est interdite et pourra être considérée comme une violation du droit d'auteur.

Most comments and corrections are on here (don't worry, they are minor). As for the comment I highlighted in red, I highly recommend you take a look at this page : https://www.alloprof.qc.ca/fr/eleves/bv/francais/la-subordination-f1477. It is in French, but the same principles can be applied in English.

Overall, this is good work! :) I don't know if your teacher changed the due date, but if you look at your instructions, it is due today (on paper)... Don't forget to submit it on time !

Sarah G.