When your child seems worried, it is natural for you to feel your parental instincts kick in and start worrying too. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be hard to talk to your child about their emotions. Alloprof has some ideas to help.
If you notice that your child often has difficulty expressing what is bothering them, or if their behaviour changes considerably, it might be a good idea to seek professional help. A psychoeducator or psychologist can provide them with the tools they need to manage their emotions and worries effectively.
Emotions are a normal part of life. By accepting your child’s emotions from an early age, you are teaching them that even their most intense feelings are valid, and that they can feel safe entrusting them to you. By encouraging your child to share what is in their heart, and giving them the support they need, you help them develop their emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and productively channel one’s own emotions and to recognize and understand those of others. By encouraging your child to develop their emotional intelligence, you are also helping them build positive, healthy interpersonal relationships and learn how to adapt to different situations they will encounter in life.
It is very important to respect your child’s boundaries. While it is essential to encourage open communication, remember that not all kids are comfortable sharing their emotions right away. If that is the case for your child, let them know you will be there to listen when they are ready to share.
To start these kinds of important conversations with your child, you need to choose a time when they are calm and ready to talk. Understandably, when something seems to be bothering them, it can be hard to wait to ask them what is going on. To ease into the conversation, you could invite them to do a relaxing activity or play an emotion management game with you. Then, to create an open atmosphere, you can try one of the following activities:
Go on a walk together to their favourite park
Take them out for ice cream
Go to a local cafe
Etc.
If your child is easily distracted, it is best to talk to them in a place where you can sit alone. You can start the discussion in their room, before or after telling them a story, or in the car. Quiet moments in the car are ideal for deep, relaxed conversations, where your child can express themself more freely. It is a less intimidating setting for them, since there is no direct eye contact.
Once you have settled down in a comfortable place to talk with your child, start the conversation gently by reminding them that they can trust you and share their emotions with you. Here are some things to say that might help them feel more secure:
“Don’t forget, I’ll always be here for you.”
“I love you more than anything. I hope you know that.”
“You can tell me anything about what you’re feeling.”
“If you ever need to tell me something, I’m always here to listen.”
“When you’re feeling big emotions, it’s important not to keep them inside. I’m here to listen and help, if you need me.”
“You know, it’s normal to have not-so-good days. I have them, too. I hope you know you can talk to me about it when something’s bothering you.”
Once they feel at ease, your child will be more willing to open up to you. To bring up the subject, you can start by pointing out what you have noticed about them, whether it is a change in behaviour or state of mind. Then, you can ask them a question that invites them to open up to you. Here are some ways you can open the conversation in a caring way:
“You seem a bit quiet today. Are you feeling okay?”
“I noticed you didn’t eat your favourite snack today. Is something bothering you? Are you sad about something?”
“You look sad. Did something happen? Do you want to talk?”
“How was your day? You don’t seem to be your cheerful self.”
Once your child begins to open up to you, your initial reaction will play a crucial role in the rest of the discussion. If they see that you are listening and able to take in what they are telling you without amplifying or minimizing what they are experiencing, they will feel more comfortable talking to you. Let your child express their emotions freely, validate them, and offer solutions if you feel that is what they need. Your child may also just need a sympathetic ear. Trust yourself, and never underestimate the power of hugs.