How can I help my child express their needs before they start school?

Everyone has needs! This means that, sooner or later, we have to be able to express them. Although some children seem to have been born with this skill, others have a harder time with it. This can be for many reasons, whether it’s because they feel embarrassed, don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves, or lack confidence. Luckily, you can always lead by example, since kids are excellent imitators. By articulating your own needs properly, you’ll encourage your child to do the same:

• “I need you to help me focus. Could you play King of Silence for two minutes?”
• “I’d love some help preparing dinner. Could you help me cut the carrots?”
• “I’d like you to pack your bag so you don’t forget anything.”
• Etc.

As parents, we know our children well. So much so that sometimes, we’re able to meet their needs before they even have a chance to express them. Although this attentiveness is born out of good intentions, it’s recommended to take a step back as our children get older. Exercising a bit of patience gives kids a chance to identify and articulate their needs. That being said, there are also things you can say to encourage your little one to express themself:

• “What can I do for you?”
• “Do you have anything you’d like to say to me?”
• “I think I know what you want, but I wish you’d tell me in your own words.”
• “I’d like you to ask me to do something nice for you.”
• Etc.

It’s not uncommon for children to give orders when they want something. Worse yet, they can get overwhelmed by their feelings and engage in all sorts of negative behaviours, such as tantrums or running away. That’s why it’s helpful to teach kids to use the right words to express their emotions and needs. You can do this by asking questions:

• “You’re scared. Would you like me to comfort you?”
• “You’re feeling really angry. Do you need to calm down?”
• “You’re not understanding what I’m trying to say. Would you like me to repeat it more slowly?”
• Etc.

Like all things, learning to express our needs takes practice. The best way to do this is by taking advantage of real-life situations. Whenever you leave the house or try a new activity, your child will experience new emotions, fears, and discomforts that will give rise to different needs. You can take advantage of these opportunities to help your child put these needs into words.