My child would rather live with the consequences than do their homework

For kids who don’t like doing their homework, the promise of a reward or the threat of removing a privilege can sometimes be adequate motivation. Others, however, prefer to suffer the consequences. If you’re wondering why a child would choose dealing with the consequences over doing their homework, you’re not alone!

Some children do their homework because they love to learn, are interested in the subject matter, or want to find out more about it. These kids are considered to be intrinsically motivated, meaning that their willingness to do their homework is part of their personality.

Other children do their homework because they want to get a reward or avoid a consequence. These kids are considered to be extrinsically motivated, meaning that their reasons for doing their homework are external. In these cases, parents find themselves in the strange position of granting their child rewards or imposing consequences to get them to finish their schoolwork. 

There’s nothing wrong with offering rewards, but they tend to lose their appeal pretty quickly, and they often need to be renewed. They work best as motivation to achieve small, short-term goals. For example, if your child needs to improve their grades in a certain subject, you might reward your child for any extra homework exercises they do.

In contrast, consequences and motivation don’t go well together. Generally speaking, if a child is doing something to avoid a consequence, they aren’t doing it willingly. In the long run, they may come to see homework as a difficult chore and end up preferring to live with the consequences of not doing it.

Parents hoping to change their child’s negative perception of homework must be patient, persistent, and open to asking for help!

Here are a few tips: 

• Demonstrate a positive attitude toward homework. Kids, particularly younger children, look to their parents as role models, so it’s important to smile and remain engaged, attentive, and relaxed during homework time.
• Check that your child’s routines aren’t overloaded. Consider penciling in some quality time with them before they start their homework.
• Celebrate your child’s progress and praise and encourage their efforts.
• Stay true to your word. For instance, if you tell your child, “When you finish this assignment, we’ll take a break,” be sure to take that break, even if your child is on a roll, so that you don’t lose their trust.
• Do an activity that your child enjoys later in the evening or do something as a family.
• Give your child choices. For example, you could ask what subject they’d prefer to start with.
• Use a timer.
• Avoid imposing consequences, even if they seem effective at the time. 
• Etc.