My kid doesn’t want to go to school

As I tuck him in at night, my youngest son will often say: “Mom, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.” It breaks my heart to know that he goes to bed dreading going to school in the morning. I give him a kiss, reassure him that everything will be okay, and wish him sweet dreams. I tell myself that, with a good night’s sleep, he’ll have forgotten all about his worries by morning.

School is no picnic for many kids. They have to overcome challenges every day—to learn, of course, but also to figure out their place in the world. Students may not like school for different reasons. Some may feel anxious not knowing what the day holds for them. Others may be scarred by a negative experience. In such cases, it’s important to ask a simple question: why?

When my child refuses to go to school, I make a point of stopping what I’m doing and hearing him out (which isn’t easy when it happens just as we’re about to leave for school). We might go into a different room, take a couple of deep breaths, have a glass of water, or do something quiet that makes us feel good (like sit on his bed or cuddle). I want him to feel comfortable confiding in me. I listen with an open mind, show I care about he’s going through, and ask questions to try to see what may have happened or what he’s afraid might happen.

Sometimes, talking to my son isn’t enough. That’s when I call his teacher to see if we can work together to figure out what’s really going on. It’s not uncommon for my son’s unease to come down to issues with friends, a quarrel, or feelings of rejection.

Once I know why he’s refusing to go to school, it’s up to me to get creative. Depending on the situation, I comfort him, reassure him, downplay the situation, offer my point of view, remind him of what he likes about school, etc.  

My main goal is to be there for him and show him that I understand how he feels. I let him know that it’s normal not to feel good all the time. I help him find ways to face his fears and tackle challenges on his own, while encouraging him to see the positive side of things.

At any age, we all have to learn to cope with life’s ups and downs, find our place, and see things from different angles. Our children have to do the same every day at school. Nobody said it was going to be easy! We all have different experiences at school. As a parent, it’s important for me to avoid projecting the fears I have based on my own experience at school onto my child. It’s important to trust your child’s inner strength and allow them to have their own experiences.

I sincerely believe that the challenges we face happen for a reason. By accepting them, we grow and become a better version of ourselves.  

Note: If, despite all your efforts, your child categorically refuses to go to school, I encourage you to contact the school and ask for help. You can also seek outside support if things don’t get better. It’s a matter of making sure your child grows up to be fulfilled and healthy while looking after their mental well-being. By behaving this way, your child is trying to tell you something. You’re the expert, so it’s up to you to decode the secret message!