Supporting parents of children who are unhappy at school

Some children find school stressful because it makes them feel inadequate. They might genuinely be struggling to keep up, or they might feel that they have to meet unrealistically high standards.

In the first case, bolstering the student’s belief in their academic ability can help them feel more comfortable at school. In the second case, the student’s loved ones or even the student themself may need to adjust their expectations. Here are a few things you can do with the parents:

• Provide benchmarks to help them understand their child’s progress and whether they are performing at grade level.
• Explain how mistakes help students learn. For instance, right answers show us what we have learned so far; mistakes show us what we need to work on next.
• Highlight every small step forward (e.g., “Sam asked for help today,” “Lucy used her words when she was mad”) so that parents can congratulate their children on specific accomplishments.
• Provide resources to help support students in their learning (e.g., a list of reinvestment activity ideas, videos that model concepts, Alloprof, community resources, peer tutoring services).

Other students may feel uncomfortable at school. This can be for any number of reasons: they have few or no friends, they are worried about being bullied, they lack a strong relationship their teacher, or maybe they just feel like they do not belong.

Once you have identified the cause of the student’s discomfort, you can work with the parents to help their child feel safe and accepted at school. Here are a few things you can ask parents to do to help:

• Encourage their child to participate in activities where they can socialize with their classmates outside of school (e.g., extracurriculars, classes at the local community centre).
• Immediately let you know about any incidents involving other students (e.g., physical fights, arguments) so you can intervene promptly.
• Regularly talk to their child about how school is going and whether there are any issues with students or staff members. There are a few ways to go about this: making connections between different concepts they are learning (be sure to keep parents updated on this), asking questions (e.g., “How’s [friend] doing?” or “How’s your project going?”), or bringing up a recent interaction with school staff (e.g., “Your teacher said you were really focused on your work today!”).
• Visit the classroom or school to bridge the gap between school and family life (e.g., have a picnic in the schoolyard, go on a guided tour of the school, have the student show off their school project or do a presentation on a family tradition, do a parent-child activity at school).

In some cases, students are just not interested in what they are doing at school. They may find a subject boring, have trouble understanding why certain concepts are relevant, or feel like they are not being challenged.

In these situations, you will need to work with the parents to identify what will help motivate their child. Here are a few strategies you can use:

• Discuss the child’s interests and hobbies to find ways to relate them to what they are learning.
• Give examples of connections parents can make between academic concepts and everyday life to make the benefits of school more concrete for their child.
• Identify a project, responsibility, or activity that would keep the child engaged and motivated to live up to their full potential.

When a student seems to be struggling, your first instinct should always be to get to the root of the issue so you can determine your next move. Parental involvement is crucial for pinpointing the cause of the problem, brainstorming potential solutions, and implementing a joint action plan to get the child back on track.