How to see your child’s failures and mistakes differently

Wait a minute—your child, normally a strong student, got only 60 percent on their last French dictation? Your first thought might be that they didn’t study enough. Before doubting your child’s effort and motivation, however, consider taking a look at the class average. The class average can provide clues about the following:

• Your child’s performance relative to their peers (e.g., if their grade is 10 marks above the average, their result may not be so poor after all)
• The overall class level
• How difficult the test was
• Etc.

While the class average is a good indicator for tracking your child’s performance, the best measuring stick is simply how they’ve done in the past. For example, a grade that seems low might actually be an accomplishment in the following cases:

• It’s an improvement, however small, over your child’s past results
• Your child feels a sense of pride
• Your child shows a willingness to learn and improve (e.g., they conclude that they should study a little more next time or ask a teacher for help)
• Etc.

Repeated or unexpected failures can often tell us a lot. That’s why it’s worthwhile to take a closer look and ask yourself the right questions. Here are some examples:

• Does my child need to study more?
• Do they need help finding other study strategies?
• Are they getting enough sleep?
• Are they having a tough time with something outside of school?
• Could they have a learning disorder or another issue?
• Are they lacking motivation?
• Etc.

One thing is certain—mistakes should not be ignored. They need to be acknowledged and talked about. In essence, mistakes are a golden opportunity to have constructive conversations with your child. For instance, you can try the following:

• Ask about your child’s attitude in the classroom
• Talk about your fears
• Brainstorm ways they can do better next time
• Ask how they feel about their own performance
• Etc.