How to help your child stop being a sore loser?

Nobody likes to lose. But it’s hard to sympathize when someone throws a tantrum each and every time they don’t manage to win. This type of behaviour often stems from a lack of self-confidence. Try these tips to help your child recognize their worth:

• Let them win from time to time so that they experience small successes
• Remind them that, win or lose, they’re always number one in your eyes
• Tell them how proud you are when they do their best, even if they lose
• On tests, focus on the answers they got right, even if they didn’t get a great overall grade
• Etc.

Your child knows that they’re a sore loser; they hear it all the time. But can they explain why they get so upset when they lose? By encouraging your child to put their feelings into words, you can help them better control their reactions. This requires a bit of detective work! You can help them uncover the reason for their behaviour in various ways:

• Ask them to name what they’re feeling (e.g., embarrassment, shame, anger)
• Have them draw the emotion that takes over when they lose
• Ask them about how they feel when they win (e.g., they feel capable, they think you’ll be proud)
• Etc.

Once your child has answered these questions, you can start to work on their misconceptions and come up with strategies for handling defeat. For example, you might say something like this:

• “You think I’ll love you less if you don’t come first, but you’re wrong. My love for you is infinite, like the universe. The next time you lose, close your eyes and imagine the size and colour of my feelings for you.”

Putting a situation in perspective is not the same as trivializing it. Perspective adds appropriate context to a defeat. For example, if your child’s upset because they can’t save their garden in our Potager en péril game, try doing the following:

• Listen to your child
• Make a joke about the situation (e.g., “I know you’re upset, but lettuce all try to romaine calm.”)
• Establish a severity scale (e.g., “On a scale of 1 to 5, tell me how losing will affect your evening, your night, and your day tomorrow.”)
• Etc.

Results aside, the most important thing is to have a good time. Loving what you do in your spare time, in school, and at work is one of the keys to success and perseverance. You can help your child understand this mindset by doing the following:

• Talk about how much you enjoy spending time with your family
• Ask every player to share their favourite moment
• Go around the table and have everyone say what they learned during the game, whether they won or lost (e.g., patience, new strategies)
• Etc.

Children are like mirrors. They copy what they see, whether we’re at our very best or at our very worst. They even imitate how we react to winning or losing. If you don’t want your kids to be sore losers, you have to set a good example. Even if you hate to lose, try not to let it show:

• Keep smiling
• Accept defeat with your head held high and congratulate the winner
• Take a philosophical approach (e.g., “I’ll do better next time”, “I may have lost the battle, but I’ll win the war”)
• Etc.