A child who is oppositional, self-isolates, or seems agitated isn’t necessarily trying to be difficult. Often, there’s a hidden message behind their behaviour. Young people living with developmental language disorder (DLD) may use their behaviour to express what they can’t say with their words.
Language normally allows us to express our emotions, say what we need, ask questions, ask for help, assert ourselves, and say “I don’t understand.” When a child doesn’t have all these options because they’re living with DLD, they will turn to behaviour to make themself understood. Thus, their behaviour becomes a form of communication.
Imagine an iceberg. The part that’s visible above the water represents the behaviours we can observe: a child who isn’t responding, moves around a lot, withdraws, or seems distracted. But a large part of the iceberg is hidden under the water. Therein lies the real message that the child is trying to express, without having the words to say it.
These behaviours are called compensatory behaviours. They are subconscious strategies used to mask a difficulty. For example, a child who doesn’t respond may seem rude or distracted. In reality, they may not have understood the instructions, or they may not know how to phrase their answer.
A study shows that the majority of children with behavioural disorders also have a language disorder.[1] This figure is striking: It reminds us that, when words are lacking, it’s often behaviour that takes over.
As a parent, you can learn to act like a detective when it comes to your child’s behaviour. Rather than reacting quickly when your child’s behaviour doesn’t meet your expectations, it’s helpful to take the time to observe and reflect. Here are three simple steps to follow.
Here’s an example of a common situation at home.
Your child often says things like “that’s dumb” when you suggest playing a game as a family.
This article was written in partnership with TDL Lanaudière, an organization that supports people with developmental language disorder (DLD), as well as their families, loved ones, and caregivers.
Consult the Regroupement TDL Québec to find organizations in your area.