How Risky Play Can Benefit Your Child

The benefits of play are well established, but each form of play has its own pros and cons, depending on the context and desired results. While there are endless ways to play, below we describe three of the main types of play to help you understand the differences between them:

• Structured play involves games with rules to follow and direct supervision. For example, when you play a board game, all players are expected to understand the purpose of the game and follow the rules.
• Unstructured play allows children to explore and invent as they please, in a safe environment, without having an outcome imposed on them. The child makes up the game and picks what to play, with whom, and how. For example, your child might wear a towel as a cape and pretend to be a superhero or turn a set of pots and pans into a drum kit. Unstructured play is such an important part of child development that it is recognized as one of a child’s fundamental rights.
• Risky play is a variant of unstructured play, but takes things a step further: It allows children to take on challenges in a supervised, but even less structured, environment. Risky play is not about doing something dangerous, but about facing uncertainty, overcoming challenges, trying out things that seem a little scary, and so on. There are six categories of risky play:
  • Great heights: e.g., climbing trees or stepladders
  • Rapid speeds: e.g., running, biking
  • Dangerous tools: e.g., axes, saws, knives, penknives, hammers, ropes
  • Dangerous elements: e.g., water, fire
  • Rough and tumble: e.g., fighting and roughhousing
  • Disappearing or getting lost: e.g., playing hide and seek in the yard or hiding behind shrubs

This type of play encourages children to explore the world around them, test their limits, and learn from their mistakes in an environment where safety is always a priority (i.e., while wearing the recommended safety gear for the activity and taking on developmentally appropriate challenges).

Risky play is a big contributor to child development: It boosts resilience and autonomy, as the child has control over their actions and how far they want to push their limits.

Benefits include:

• A reduced risk of anxiety and depression
• Better emotional regulation
• The opportunity to learn from mistakes
• Improved adaptability
• Better ability to deal with uncertainty
• Higher self esteem
• Increased physical activity
• Improved motor skills
• Less screen time
• Enhanced social skills
• Etc.

Although risks and dangers are a normal part of life, it is natural to feel apprehensive about letting your child take risks. However, despite their good intentions, helicopter parents (overprotective parents who are always hovering over their children) can stunt the development of their child’s autonomy. In addition, some overprotective parents may try to control their child’s actions to calm their own anxieties and fears. Here are some tips you can use to overcome these fears:

• Resist the impulse to overprotect your child and reflect on your own fears to avoid passing them on. Instead of overprotecting your child, guide them and model ways of playing safely on playground equipment or safely using a tool.
• Remember that letting your child engage in risky play under supervision helps them learn to assess risks on their own. Let them take calculated risks and encourage them to take on developmentally appropriate challenges.
• Remind yourself that not intervening while your child is focused (e.g., balancing on a curb or climbing a tree) means they will have an easier time concentrating on what they are doing.
• Keep in mind that children need to have varied experiences, face challenges, and explore their environment in order to grow into independent adults.
• Try to focus on the long-term benefits of risky play that outweigh the risks of your child getting a minor injury.
• Do not feel guilty about letting your child do something that seems scary, as being overprotective is ultimately harmful to your child’s development. Overprotectiveness sends children the message that the world is not a safe place for them. 
• Change the way you talk to your child while they are doing risky activities:
  • Instead of saying “Careful, you’ll fall!”, say “Stay focused. Think about where you’ll put your feet before you start coming down,” “I’m here, but you don’t need my help. You can do it!”
• Encourage your child to reflect on their experience. After the activity, talk to your child about what they learned, what went well, and times when they felt scared or uncomfortable. This will help them use coping strategies and gain a better understanding of risks and their own limits.

Learning often involves confronting feelings of fear and discomfort. To help your child face their fears, gradually introduce them to activities that are a little outside their comfort zone. Creating situations where they can experience risk in a controlled environment will prepare them to take on bigger challenges. Keep in mind that scary situations get less scary with repeated exposure over time. Here are a few tips to help your child gradually overcome their fears:

• Encourage your child to express their fears. Listen attentively to them and validate their feelings without minimizing their fear.
• Start with small challenges and gradually increase the level of risk as your child gains confidence.
• Give your child the emotional support they need. Reassure them by showing them you are nearby and ready to step in if needed.
• Teach them relaxation techniques like deep breathing or positive visualization to help them manage their stress.
• Set an example by facing your own fears. Show them that it is normal to be afraid of things and that being courageous means doing something even if you are afraid of it.
• Praise your child every time they face a fear and for every step forward; this will help build their self-confidence.
• Reassure your child by being sensitive to their needs.

Every child is unique and will have a different comfort threshold. Respect your child’s emotions and do not try to force them to do something if they find it too frightening. Encourage them as they take small steps forward and celebrate their progress to help them develop a sense of control. It is also important to recognize that, at a certain point, your child may need professional help to overcome certain overwhelming fears or phobias. Here are a few tips for effectively supporting your child:

• Be open to listening to your child and let them learn at their own pace. Never force them to go past their limits.
• Praise your child for every step they take forward, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and a feeling of accomplishment.
• If your child’s fears seem insurmountable, do not hesitate to reach out to a professional for guidance.
• Create a safe play environment for risky play (make sure your child wears a helmet, stays away from cars, etc.). This will allow your child to experiment and explore without putting themself in actual danger.