How to Manage Your Parental Expectations

Phrases such as “At your age, you should (or shouldn’t) be doing X” can trigger a flight response in your child and make them refuse to cooperate. This is a defence mechanism that helps them avoid the possibility of failure. Keep in mind that when your child displays rebellious and defiant behaviour, they are expressing that they feel uncomfortable and unfairly judged. You can remedy the situation by rethinking your demands and adjusting your expectations. Avoid comparing your child to others, as this will undermine their confidence. Here are a few reasons why it is important to maintain realistic expectations of your child:

• Your child wants to make you proud and meet your expectations, and this is easier to do if those expectations are realistic
• If you expect to much, you are setting your child up for failure and frustration
• Your child should view your expectations as challenges based on their abilities and interests, not on what others have accomplished in the past

The best way to help your child flourish is to show that you believe in them. Encourage them to express their emotions, needs, and desires so that they know you care. This will help them to confide in and open up to you.

Good communication creates an environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their opinions and aspirations without fear of disappointing you or being judged. Empathy involves more than just listening; you also need to pay attention to your child’s non-verbal cues and imagine things from their perspective. During conversations with your child, take the opportunity to do the following:

• Discuss extracurricular activities they want to try
• Understand what they like about their favourite school subject, particularly if it differs from yours
• Take their emotional temperature to see whether low self-esteem or performance anxiety is preventing them from pursuing an activity that interests them
• Remind them that you will always support them, regardless of their choice in academic pursuits or hobbies, how they choose to express their personality, and so on

High expectations come with a lot of pressure, which can lead to performance anxiety. It is not enough to simply respect your child’s interests in areas such as school, sports, and the arts; you also have to avoid pushing them to be the best at all costs in what they choose to pursue.

To contribute positively to your child’s progress in their interests, you can motivate them by emphasizing effort over results. This will help them develop more autonomy, motivation, and confidence in their abilities, not to mention resilience in the face of frustration.

To highlight your child’s efforts, consider creating a space to display their achievements (e.g., a bulletin board) or setting up a success box. Here are some examples of things you can say:

• “Bravo! You’ve really gotten the hang of dictations!”
• “I’m proud of you for making an effort to stay organized.”
• “Great job! You worked really hard even though you had trouble with this concept.”
• “I’m proud of you because you believe in yourself and your abilities.”

Your child is their own person, which means they are sure to have a few interests that differ from yours. Lean into those differences: they represent a valuable opportunity for you to learn from each other.

Together, you can look into the activities that appeal to your child (art, martial arts, dance, etc.) and find classes so they can try them out. The key is not to pressure them. Stick to realistic goals, adapt tasks and challenges to your child’s strengths and abilities, and give them time to figure out whether they like an activity.

By encouraging your child to explore different interests and develop their unique talents (even if those talents are not what you envisioned), you can help ensure that their journey of self-discovery is filled with positive experiences. We recommend checking out the following articles for ideas on how to feed your child’s curiosity in various areas:

• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in music
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in French (elementary) / (high school)
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in English (elementary) / (high school)
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in art (elementary) / (high school)
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in physics
• 5 activities to bridge the gap between art and science
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in communication
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in the theatre
• 5 activities to spark your child’s interest in chemistry
• 5 activities to spark your high schooler’s interest in science and technology
• 5 activities to spark your high schooler’s interest in history
• 5 activities to spark your high schooler’s interest in cooking
• 4 activities to spark your child’s interest in poetry
• 5 activities to spark your high schooler’s interest in math
• Developing your child’s interest in social sciences through archaeology
• 10 science activities to do at home
• 5 reasons to encourage your child to get involved in their community

It is essential to create an environment of unconditional love where your child feels supported, accepted, and valued for who they are, regardless of the expectations you may have. By encouraging your child to get to know themself better, you can help set them on the path to a fulfilling career. There are many ways for them to do this:

• Taking courses
• Signing up for clubs
• Doing extracurricular activities
• Consulting a guidance counsellor
• Seeking tutoring or mentoring services
• Going on cultural outings
• Reading
• Exploring games or themed toys
• Participating in day or summer camps
• Etc.